Last Friday, I had a lot of fun participating in the Autumn House Tour at Hooked on Houses. It was enjoyable to take photos of my house and share some of my spaces with you.
What I want to do today is to share some other spaces with you. But I don't have photos of these spaces. In fact, these spaces are ones that I keep hidden as much as possible.
I know that we all struggle just a little bit with issues of privacy in blogging. Should we share our names? Should we tell where we live? Should we give our husbands and kids screen nicknames? Our world is a funny place, and these issues of privacy are legitimate.
Then, too, we all sometimes struggle with how much we can divulge about ourselves and our feelings. Some bloggers seem to find it easy to just "let it all hang out" and tell how they feel about all kinds of issues; others avoid highly-charged issues altogether. Both of these approaches are fine, I think. Each writer must find the path that works for her or him.
My goal in this blog is to have an open home and, more importantly, an open heart. And I want to confess a struggle to you.
If you were to go back and read my blog from the beginning (which I doubt anyone wants to do; just trust me on this), you'd find that I often shared photos of little projects around my house or occasionally one room in my house, but that's about it. As I've decided to post a few more photos of my house over the past few weeks, I've done it with much fear and trembling. Why? Because I'm afraid that someone in the big scary worldwide web will see my house and want to break in and steal my possessions? Because I'm afraid someone will recognize photos of my house and stalk me or try to snatch my children? No, that's not it.
I've been afraid to post photos of my home because I'm been afraid that you, my blogging friends, wouldn't like me if you saw my house.
I know--it sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? And yet there it is. Now don't get me wrong--I don't live in a mansion, so I wasn't afraid that anyone would think that I was guilty of conspicuous consumption or showoffiness. It's not that. It's just that I live in a fairly new house that I didn't build myself. I was afraid that, if you knew that my house wasn't a DIY project, you wouldn't be interested in what I have to say. I was scared that you might reject me based on an external circumstance.
You know what? Those feelings are indicative of a much deeper issue. They're indicative of unresolved, unhealed feelings of not being good enough for your friendship. This summer I wrote about my birthmark, and about my need simply to accept myself. When I wrote that post, I felt that I had made some real progress in this area. As I consider now my hesitancy to show you pictures of my house, I think that perhaps the same old issues of insecurity are still at work.
Why am I telling you this? Mainly because I want to keep this blog as a place where I am open and honest. It would be quite easy for me to say that the rest of the house was a mess when I took the pictures of the rooms for the home tour (which is true). It's a little more difficult for me to admit that my heart was a mess, but that's the truth of the matter.
I want you all to know that Imparting Grace is a messy place. If you have insecurities, come right in. If you sometimes feel unsure of the love of God and other people, make yourself at home. If you're afraid of being rejected because of some external circumstance, sit here with me.
We'll take off our masks together and share some grace with one another.