Friday, June 12, 2009
So far I have written 28 posts for this little blog, and two of them have had to do with my own insecurity. Two out of 28. That's more than 7% of my posts to date. I didn't plan this; it's just what spilled out of my heart.
Like it or not, I've got a theme goin' on.
This week, my husband and I were talking (not about my blog, just about our life), and he rightly diagnosed my chronic insecurity as, at heart, a lack of faith. Faith in God. Faith in him. Faith in those who love me.
Ouch. You know what? The truth hurts sometimes. But it's still the truth.
And as I've considered it, I believe that God has brought this issue to the surface so that He can deal with it.
I was thinking about those verses from Proverbs 3. We quote them a lot: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will your paths straight." And I was thinking that I've always taken these verses to mean that I should follow the commands of God; that I should take the straight and narrow path rather than the broad road that leads to destruction. That's true: I should do that.
But here's what I've missed. Leaning on my own understanding includes my understanding of myself. My insecurity does not come from what God says about me and how He loves me. Here's a sample of what the Lord says about me:
Psalm 139:14: "I am fearfully and wonderfully made."
Psalm 27:1: "The Lord is my light and my salvation: whom shall I fear?"
John 15:9: (Jesus talking here) "As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you."
Now there's a theme for you. Throughout His word, God emphasizes over and over His love for me. And if I'll trust in that with all my heart, there won't be room for all this insecurity.
I don't think that re-adjusting my thinking is going to happen overnight. But I do think that God wants me to be secure in His love for me.
Now and forevermore.