After an Easter Sunday of unparalleled beauty, today is a gorgeous day in North Carolina. I had special plans for this day. I was supposed to walk in a 5K to raise money for the Blake Hubbard Memorial Fund. Blake was the son of one my dearest friends and our precious next-door neighbor who was killed in January; he would have been 15 years old today.
But I spent the night last night thrashing around in bed and hugging the white porcelain of the toilet. This morning I tried to remember the last time I vomited. I think it was May 2007.
So today I am sipping ginger ale and feeling feeble.
And I am wondering if anyone else struggles in the nighttime.
Yesterday I was capable woman. At 1:30 this morning, I was pitiful. My bathrooms were not clean. My dishes were not done. My laundry was not folded. My desktop was not neat. On top of that, I was a bad wife. I was a terrible mother. I was a horrible friend. I was an awful blogger. Could I be more of a loser? I don't think so.
There's something about being sick in the middle of the night that turns me into a mess. So today, in addition to being weak from the stomach bug, I need to regain my hold on reality. But those middle-of-the-night fears persist a bit. Maybe I am a bad wife, a terrible mother, a horrible friend, an awful blogger. Maybe I am a loser.
Ugh. Does this happen to anyone else?