Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Check up

Given the chance, I would not go back to fifth grade.

Not that there's anything wrong with fifth grade, mind you. For me, though, that was the year most characterized by this note:

Dear ____________________:

I like you.
Do you like me?

Check yes or no.

______ yes ______ no


Did you do that? Was I the only one who lived in fear of getting the wrong check? No, I would not go back.

Last week, though, I took myself back. See, I started this blog some time ago, but I let it go. When I decided to re-start it earlier this month, I revisited my original intentions in blogging, and I found that I still wanted to do the same thing. I still want my blog to be a bit of a window on my soul. And I still want it to be a means of imparting grace. But late last week, I began thinking: "What if no one reads this post? What if no one comments on it? What if it's boring? What if it's irrelevant? What if? What if?? What if???"

And I was right back in fifth grade, afraid that someone--or everyone--would check "no" for me.

That's enough of that. Fifth grade was bad enough when I was 10 years old. I don't think my 45-year-old self can handle it.

So I'm hoping that some folks will read my blog. I'm hoping that some will be blessed by it. And I'll try to make it attractive to new readers. But I'm not going to stress about it any more. I'm going to be happy just being myself, and I'll trust that being myself will be enough.

Even though some people will always check "no," there might be some who will check "yes." After all,

You might not need me, but you might.
I'll let my head be just in sight.
A smile as small as mine might be
Precisely your necessity.

-Emily Dickinson


Shared with Emily's "Tuesdays Unwrapped" at Chatting at the Sky

22 comments:

Tee said...

Well said, Richella. I know exactly what you mean. I'll be back soon to visit when I have time to start from the beginning.

Dawn said...

i would not go back to any of those school years... for most of the same reasons. i have also felt those inecurities of my blogging... and came back to the reason i began writing it. for me. i write for me... and if someone else is moved by it, or has something nice to say, i am beyond thankful for the gift. i think you are brave to write it all down... i'll be back to visit :)

(and i love th photo in your header... it draws me in!)

Kellye, Chad, Hayden, and Sebastian said...

AMEN to that! 5th grade is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO 5th grade! Ha ha! It's hard though isn't it?! We want everyone to like us and cringe at the thought of someone who doesn't! Good luck on your journey! Know that even though some may not post a comment...there are def. people reading!

Bee said...

I check "Yes."

And I have been blessed today by the reminder, that where it really counts, being ourselves is enough.

Crissie said...

Oh Richella - how beautiful! Thanks for sharing with me... What a lovely reminder that we are enough, just as we are.

xoxoxxo

emily said...

Thanks for sharing this. I know what you mean. There is an underlying fear in blogging, in putting your voice out there. It is risky and I'm constantly re-evaluating if the risk is worth it. So far, my answer is yes :)

Southern Fried Gal said...

Hello! Stopping by from Kimba's. I totally feel this way sometimes. I even had a bloggy "friend" remove me as a link on her blog and I had to make a decision to not revert back to the 5th grade as you say. Great way of putting it. I love that you are going to be real (as evidenced by this post) and that will get you noticed - already has! Good luck and looking forward to future posts!

Lindy said...

Thanks for sharing that piece of you. I think I needed to read that!

Tricialynn said...

being who you are and authentic to yourself is what will draw people to you.

if only we knew in 5th grade what we know now it certainly cure alot of heartache alot of people felt go away. it's a terrible feeling.

i check yes, by the way. i'll be back to visit.

Preciousdesigns said...

Very well said! I often feel the same way!

Beach House Dreamer said...

I know the "wanting mind", we all have to come to terms with it and learn how to happy no matter what, right!?

Tabitha in Bliss said...

I loved this, because I have felt this way a time or two. Letting go and just putting it out there has been a wonderful experience for me.

Roeshel said...

Hi! Nice to "meet" you!

Great post. I've often felt the same way and getting a comment always makes me smile (so far!).
I love reading blogs and I love blogging...it's been an amazing way to meet new friends.
Enjoy the weekend. :)

Rhoda @ Southern Hospitality said...

Sweet post, Richella! I've enjoyed what I've seen from you & getting to know you too. I appreciate you coming by my blog. My problem is, there is never enough time to visit all the blogs I'd love to get to know much better & stay up with. It's just impossible, so we all have to keep that in mind too. This blogworld is getting HUGE! Blessings to you!

Lori said...

This is the first time I have seen your blog and boy did it catch my eye! You hit the nail on the head with the feelings of being back in 5th grade again. YIKES! Why do we do this to ourselves? I will be back and wil love hearing you for you :0)

Deb said...

So odd....Kimba linked to you and to another lady who gave 10 blogging secrets. Love yours best...who really cares who looks at our blogs...it's OURS...yes, we want visitors and friends to stop by...but aren't we really doing it for ourselves...as an outlet...in my case I want to share my Savior with others...and in doing that I like sharing Him with songs about Him. Be yourself...enjoy blogging...and don't do it to please others!!! I'll most definitely bookmark you and be checking back!!!

Mary Jean, also known as "The Dough Nut" said...

I so remember those notes. I hear they don't write them anymore...they just text each other.

I love your words. I feel the same way so many days. Comments are treasured words that someone took the time to read what you had to say, what was on your heart.

We do write for ourselves, but want others to know us too!

So refreshing to "meet" so many women who share the same passions. So many wonderful women of faith!

sonya said...

NO WAY Kimba linked to you!!! Congratulations! You are, like SO popular! And I liked you even before you were famous!

Red Writing said...

Oh!This is funny...first I read the link Deb was talking about from ASPTL--10 blogging tips--and it made me decide to take the music off my blog so others wouldn't immediately leave when it came on...even though I REALLY like my music being on there. But THEN I read this and have decided that I need to march right back to my blog and put the stinkin' music back on!Oh me!

Tonja said...

I happened upon your blog and I can understand your feelings. Many of my blogging buddies have many more comments, and visitors than I. But, I reminded my self that the reason I started this blog was for myself, and my family. As the mother of 3 boys, I think it doubtful that they see the importance of keeping family memories alive. I wanted somewhere to document things that happened in the past and now. Hopefully, one day, my grandchildren may want to know about their grandmother and grandfather's lives. Maybe they will want to know things about their daddy. So, it is there...recorded for them. Also, with an ADD brain, it helps to have a place to 'put it'. Also, I believe that God will lead the ones to my blog that can be inspired or helped by it.

So good luck! Your blog will reach the people it is intended to. Bless you!

Tonja
http://tonjasgatherings.blogspot.com

Carri said...

Hi I just hopped on over from A soft place to land and just wanted to comment within the first second of reading your post. I started my blog a while ago and have since fizzled. I was in school and life took over blogging. I now am back and starting to feel those same insecurities. I love that you conveid it in your blog. I will be following you because you sound like a woman of my own heart. Nice reading you.

punkinmama said...

I'll check "yes".

Great post. I feel the same way so often and it really is ridiculous. Thanks for reminding me!

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